Taking back my life through taking vows

My life has always run away with me. Ever since I can remember, it ran me around until I was completely exhausted and sleep deprived. I've been in a constant battle trying to take control of it.

I've been listening to Sogyal Rinpoche's many hours of teachings on the practice of refuge. In one of the teachings, he talks about the meaning of taking vows. So today, I decided it might be a good idea to take some basic lay person's vows until I complete my Ngondro. There are five basic vows: not killing, not stealing, no sexual misconduct, no lying, and no intoxicants.

At least the way Rigpa does it, you can sort of set the parameters of the vows you want to take. Basically, at first, you set the bar low enough so that you are fairly confident you can jump over it. So for example, for the vow not to kill, you can vow not to kill humans. My friend said she "hoped?" that it would be easy enough for me to keep that one :-)

Once Rinpoche said, you might be celibate anyway by accident, so you might as well take a vow and get some merit for it! Check ;-) Another easy one!

So I thought about the parameters of all the vows and decided, "I'm going to do it."

Then something magical happened. I felt like I was in control of my life.

!!!!!

I feel as if I am now aware of what what I am doing, and making my own choices. I feel as if I am thinking, saying, and doing things on purpose, instead of forever being carried round and round in circles really fast on a runaway racehorse.

I think that's what taking refuge in the Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha is all about.